My Own Journey With OCD (Skin Picking)

I have been naturally inquisitive my entire life. I would research and seek answers from others, however the answers from external sources were never enough. I was told that I was a certain way because of my childhood… which is true… but I wanted to know how I could change. I didn’t have the foundation of feeling safe within myself, nor the trust in the external to build healthy relationships. I knew it was possible because I saw other people with these qualities. I needed to know how I could create these for myself regardless of my past.

In all honesty… the truth hurt… I had to undo my entire identity, as it was built on pain and designed to keep the possibility of success out. I had built my foundation with a defense system that would find fault in everything that tried to get too close.

I had purposely numbed my mind and body from the idea of ever being hurt… which ironically was hurting every aspect of my life. Not to mention the fact I was taking out my avoidance of myself and others out on my skin. I was literally picking at my skin until it bled to get my own attention. When I looked in the mirror, I picked at all areas of my skin and lips because I could not accept the blemishes or texture of my own body. I’d had this habit since I could remember, therefore it was also part of my identity. I was really good at hiding it with lipstick and I had tried everything to quit. Occasionally my friends would notice my lip picking… but for the most part it was subtle.

The skin picking didn’t come by itself though. It had friends, such as compulsiveness, low self confidence, physical pain, embarrassment, etc. One may think, oh just train your mind to quit and to change… which is half true… I found the answer to be honesty within myself, to ask myself the hard questions I had spent my entire life avoiding. What is the purpose of these behaviors? How can I fully accept my answers without judgment?

This may seem like an easy feat, as I thought I had found the golden ticket. Then I realized our mind has clever design mechanisms in place… to keep us in loops to protect its identity. These designs were multifaceted, like nets that connect to all parts of our history and life. How could something from before my infancy and before be related to where I am now? And how does it have layer after layer of complexity, building on top of itself, ensuring its survival?

I don’t have it all figured out, but I did figure out the purpose of my skin picking.

In the beginning of my Hypnotherapy journey, I hired my own hypnotherapist for my own problems. I did not actively seek to quit skin picking, for I wasn’t actually ready to give it up. It was so therapeutic (or so I thought), why would I give this up? The first session wasn’t very dramatic, it was mostly releasing stagnant ancestral energy. The second session however, led me back into a very traumatic past life, in which I had to acknowledge the pain and anger I carried over into this life. This life was where I had a part split and with the help of my hypnotherapist, I integrated the part back in.

Since that session, I have not had the urge to pick my skin the way I used to,which seemed like an inconcievable possibility at one time. It has also translated into other personality shifts, such as releasing emotional numbness, which has allowed me to take in more of my environment through my senses and intuition.

Modern medicine would have over looked this and continued to tell me I have anxiety. They would have helped me cope rather than discovering the root of the problem, which was deep rooted anger. This is not to say there isn’t a place for modern medicine. This is to say we are more complex beyond logic and measurement.

Sometimes, the answer lies within using our heart space in combination with logic. That is where my role as a hypnotherapist comes in… gently guiding others to the answers within themself. The majority of my clients have never considered searching through the depths I take them. Mostly because they don’t know those possibilities exist. Therefore, I help clients create new possibilities, while helping them discover aspects of themself that can only be seen with the heart.

-Jarisa J.